Today was a wonderful Christmas spent with some wonderful children. My six children were spoiled with presents, chocolates, and lots of kisses. But the best present of all, a forever family, was absent today. I sat down to write a post about our Christmas but adoption has been on my mind so much today that I wrote about that today. I do my best to create a family for my kids but ultimately I’m just standing in the gap until a family steps forward to welcome them into their family forever.
Dear Waiting Mamas this Christmas,
As I sit here watching my six children sleep I think about you. Whether you are days away from adopting, waiting to be matched, just starting your home study, or just had a feeling that there should be one more stocking on your mantle today, know that I thought about you while I celebrated Christmas with children who aren’t mine to keep. Today as I took photos of all my kids opening presents I took them for you. I took them with faith that someday my six kids would have forever families to celebrate Christmas with. I want you to have photos of the Christmas’ that you missed while you were waiting. And someday more than anything I want to show you these photos and give you the Christmas trees we made with your child’s once little feet.
Waiting Mamas know that we are standing in the gaps until you can get here. People from all over came together to provide Christmas to your child and to remind me that there is good in the world. Tonight we prayed for you, like we do every night. We prayed that next Christmas you would get to celebrate with your child. We prayed for more adoption matches, for adoption movement, and for potential families to see kids for who they are, not for their disability. Lying in bed tonight I prayed for families that looked around the table today and felt that there should be one more plate, one more chair, one more child to love. I prayed for God to give them the faith to welcome a new child like the Holy Family welcomed Jesus all those years ago. Know that as you wait we prayed and hoped for you.
I know the kids I take care of aren’t mine to keep. They are God’s and I pray that someday he will lead them to your family. Even when Caden calls me mama and melts my heart I know that someday he will call someone else mama. This Christmas my heart broke knowing that my six foster children don’t have any families pursuing them and every day I pray that a family will fall in love with the amazing children I know they are. Loving these children breaks and stretches my heart but I wouldn’t have it any other way. Some days I dream of adopting all six of them but in my heart I know these aren’t the kids I’m supposed to adopt. But as I kissed their heads tonight as they feel asleep and whispered to them that they were loved I saw the beauty that comes from being a temporary mama. I see how special it is to celebrate first Christmas’ with the kids that I love. Someday the kids that call me mom will be mine to keep but today I celebrated with the six God gave me to be a mother to in this season. Someday I hope that I can tell you stories from this Christmas. How Caden guarded his new toys and screamed whenever someone else touched them. How a local movie star, Vishunu Manchu, came to visit dressed as Santa Claus. How much we laughed and just enjoyed each other this Christmas. Christmas is a time of joy and there was joy in our lives today.
So to all those mothers whose armed ached a little bit more today for a child who is not home yet know that today we loved on your child. We celebrated Christmas and your child knows that God loves them so much he sent down his only son. Tonight we kissed your child goodnight and told them they were so loved. Today we stood in as their temporary mama. They may not have celebrated Christmas with all your traditions but we did the best we could. And we pray that next Christmas it will be you, not us tucking them into bed and kissing them good night. And I pray that this Christmas, if the children I will one day adopt are already born, that someone else is standing in the gap for me. Letting them know that they are so loved, until I can come get them.
Waiting Mamas, I know you wish your child did not have to go another Christmas without being home. But know that those of us who fill in while you wait did everything we could to make sure your child knew they were loved this Christmas. Waiting is not forever and we will take good care of your child until you can get here.
A foster mama to six kids