How will you leave them? That’s a question I’ve gotten a lot over the past couple of months after my announcement that I will be transitioning out of fostering in March to go to graduate school. How will I leave the kids I’ve poured into for 2 years? How will I be able to leave the place that I’ve made home? At some point India became my home and how can I walk away from everything here? These questions rattle around my brain whenever I look ahead to 8 months from now. How will I leave them? To be honest I have no idea.
This morning I was listening to podcast on this Sunday’s gospel about the parable of the weeds in the field. One sentiment stuck out to me as I listened- that we have to be faithful to God and sow the seeds he asks us to sow and leave the harvest up to him. I’ve been struggling with feeling that I haven’t done enough. The nature of working with these kids is that I will always feel like I haven’t done enough. Haven’t done enough therapy activities with the kids, haven’t advocated for them to get everything they need, doctors appointments left undone, and do-lists that are unfinished. With 11 kids with high needs it is hard to meet everyone’s needs. The reality is when I leave there will be things that I’ve left undone and I’m learning to be okay with that. Ultimately these kids don’t belong to me- they belong to God. And he has a plan for them that is beyond any of my therapy plans for them. I just need to plant the seeds that I can and leave the harvest up to him.
Although I’m preparing my heart to leave I know I still have 8 more amazing months with these kids and other people I love here. 8 more months of birthdays, holidays, preschool, and every small moment in between. More time to be present and pour into the kids as much as I can. It’s easy to get caught up in thinking ahead but I’m not allowing my mind to go there often just yet. I’m focusing on being present as much as possible and just enjoying life here. It would be unfair for me to focus too much on what lies ahead and not just be present in everything going on right now.
So to answer the question of how will I leave the truthful answer is I don’t know but God does. So I will focus on the next 8 months being present in my life here and working on preparing my heart to leave. He has a plan greater then my own and I know that he always guides my path as he lead me here and will lead me back.